Before we get started, I want to state for the record: my friends generally have a history of dating wonderful, perfectly acceptable partners, and I am in no way belittling them in this article!
And now that that’s out of the way… HOW MUCH DOES IT SUCK WHEN YOU HATE YOUR FRIEND’S PARTNER? Not only do you want the best for your friend, but inevitably having to spend time with someone you can’t stand isn’t fun either. So there’s the question of figuring out what to do. to do about it. Do you risk offending them by bringing it up? Grin and bear it and hope you don’t sound as annoyed as you feel? Simmer slowly in your trials until dog eating cookies makes you freak out?
It’s important to note that helping someone you suspect is in an abusive or toxic relationship involves an entirely different approach than simply managing your feelings about someone you don’t like. Natasha Reynolds – A Woman’s Love Storya Toronto-based registered psychotherapist at Bloom Psychology & Wellness, tells SELF. So if you see signs of intimate partner violence, like physical marks, verbal put-downs, or major changes in your friend’s behavior, approaching the subject gently may be the right move (here are some tips to help you deal with it). useful things to say for someone in that situation, and if you’re not sure, you can also remind yourself less obvious signs of emotional abuse).
But disliking your friend’s partner doesn’t have to mean anything sinister — they might just annoy you. If you’re not sure whyexactly, they get under their skin, Reynolds recommends a little self-reflection: “Before you jump into action, I suggest looking inside yourself and asking, ‘What are the real reasons I’m having trouble with this person?’” she says. Maybe he’s a men’s explainerShe has some gross habits, or her sense of humor isn’t your thing. Or maybe it’s more personal, like she reminds you of someone else you have a negative relationship with, or she seems to be monopolizing your best friend’s time and attention. Whatever the reason your friend’s choice of partner isn’t to your liking, here are three steps you can take.
Have a (non-judgmental) conversation with your friend.
Consider this an information-gathering mission—not an opportunity to air your grievances. Reynolds recommends emphasizing your curiosity. “It can come across as, ‘I just wanted to know—how are things going? How are you feeling in this relationship?’” she says.
Your goal may be to gain a different perspective on your partner. “Especially if this is someone new to your partner’s life, you may not be seeing the whole picture,” Reynolds says. “Maybe your friend can give you insight into what you’re missing and what they appreciate about you.”
Depending on your situation, you might also find out if your friend is open to feedback, such as how their partner keeps making questionable jokes or how you notice they’re falling into an old rut. relationship patterns They’ve previously said they want to break up. If you do decide to raise concerns, be sure to ask about your friend’s experience rather than directly criticizing them. “You might say, ‘I was thinking about this comment your partner made today—how did that make you feel?’” Reynolds explains. That way, you’re inviting them to share their perspective and possibly even see things from your perspective without feeling attacked.
Choose buffer activities.
Ok, you can Never want to hang out with that annoying person, but in many cases, identify situations where you encounter them at least tolerable It’s a good way to keep the peace. “Maybe you’re not up for an intimate night where you’re playing board games and chatting all night — but you might be willing to show up for a date night with a larger group where you don’t have to interact with them alone,” Reynolds says. Or maybe you don’t mind relaxing just the three of you if there’s a distracting activity — like a video game or a trivia competition — to keep annoying conversations at bay.