In a little ABC of the Olympic Games, we take our hats off to A for athletes, B for Thomas Bach and C for China – or something like that.
Pauline Nettesheim at the German Championships in Duisburg – in Paris as Breaking B-Girl for Germany Photo: Imago
Athletes – the 10,000-plus most important artists of the Olympic Games. Some say. For others, the heart of the Games beats in the chic Hôtel du Collectionneur. The honorary members of the IOC are housed there and receive an expense allowance of 450 dollars for each day they have to spend there, even though they don’t have to pay for anything.
Bach, Thomas – President of the International Olympic Committee. He is endowed with a level of power otherwise known only to dictatorships. Perhaps that is why he gets along so well with dictators. Latest favorite rogue state: Saudi Arabia, which will soon host the E-Sports Olympics. It will be worth it for the IOC.
China – Sports country with a penchant for polluted hotel kitchens. When 23 Chinese top swimmers suddenly tested positive for a banned substance, traces of the substance were found in the extractor hood of a facility where the athletes were staying. So no one can do something for nothing. This is a stupid coincidence.
Battle on three positions – Some people may think that shooting sports are a bit perverse. But that can’t really be due to this discipline, where shooting is done standing, kneeling and lying down. Small-caliber weapons are used. To introduce young people to this wonderful sport, young people are allowed to practice with an air rifle. How nice!
Oath, Olympic – sacred promise to be honest in competition. At the opening ceremony, selected athletes, coaches and referees read the given text, which says something like: “Together we stand in solidarity and commit ourselves to a sport without doping, without cheating, without any form of discrimination.”
Peace – Olympic message number one. The IOC wants the weapons to rest during the Games. The world has never worried about this. But the Olympians continue to believe in their peace kitsch, like children believe in the good Lord with a bushy beard in heaven.
GOAT – Best of all time. Ever since Michael Jordan and Co. conquered the Games in 1992, it has been said that the best basketball is played by Americans from the NBA. But the US did not always win. This time, LeBron James, who succeeded Jordan as GOAT, must ensure that something similar to what happened during the last World Cup does not happen in the end. Who won again? Certainly not Germany? There are things.
Hip Hop – New addition to the Olympic family. You can now win gold by breaking “an urban dance style,” as the IOC calls the brand-new Olympic discipline in its declaration. The IOC has long tried to fool young people with sports that originated in the 1970s. It already did this with skateboarding. Nice try.
iQFolie – Windsurfing through the air – or something like that. This has never happened before at the Olympics, where windsurfers take off and seem to float above the water surface. But why IQ? Maybe because it is a clever spectacle.
Yurchenko – Jump in gymnastics. Anyone who gets up and does a double somersault is one of the best in the world. There’s even a woman who can do it. Simone Biles – who else? Oh yeah, Yurchenko. What’s that anyway? He starts with a wheel spin onto the diving board. Terrible part.
corruption – Olympic core sport that is mainly practiced around the allocation of venues. Medals are not awarded. It is actually a disgrace.
Pipe – along with speed and bouldering, one of the three disciplines in sport climbing, in which climbers have six minutes to climb as far as possible on an unknown course. This has been an Olympic event since the 2021 Tokyo Games and is organized in this country by the German Alpine Club. But the competition actually has nothing to do with hut fun and snoring in dormitories. Thank God!
Modern Pentathlon – a sport invented by Pierre de Coubertin, gentleman rider and founder of the modern Olympic Games, himself, which could only have come from the brain of an officer. This sport includes fighting, swimming, shooting and cross-country running. In addition, horses are ridden over obstacles with whips if necessary – still today. See piaffe.
Neutral athletes – Russians and Belarusians who are admitted to the Games are not allowed to compete for their country and are only allowed to represent themselves. Russian national emblems are taboo at the Olympic Games – because of the war against Ukraine that Russia has started. The army of Russian sports soldiers is not allowed to be sent to Paris. That is a good thing, even if Ukraine had wanted to deny all Russians the right to participate.
One Eighty – a trick in BMX freestyle where the rider and bike take off, spin 180 degrees in the air, land and continue riding backwards. Other tricks are called Suicide, Tailwhip or Crankflip. Understood?
Piaffe – a figure in dressage where the horse trots in place – or something similar. Not to be confused with pirouettes, the passage or traversals. Horses usually do not do this voluntarily. Three-time Olympic champion Charlotte Dujardin is not allowed to ride this time. A video appeared in which she tortured her horse. First of all, a Dujardin!
qualification – Obstacle to participation in the games. Not everyone who wants to can go to the Olympics. You have to be able to do something and be better than most people in your own country or continent. But take courage! A certain Michael Edwards, a bricklayer from England, participated in the 1988 Olympic Games in Calgary as a ski jumper. He couldn’t really jump.
Rahm, Jon – Golfer and highest paid athlete to compete in the Games. $210 million The Spaniard earned money from golfespecially since he had joined the LIV Golf Tournament Series maintained by Saudi Arabia. Saudi Arabia? We’ve talked about this before. See above!
Are – Swimming pool in the middle of Paris. For a long time there were doubts about the water quality. Then one politician after another jumped into the water to show that the water was sparkling clean. According to reports, all those involved are still alive. So. Politicians as self-appointed environmental indicators have a tradition. Former Federal Environment Minister Klaus Töpfer swam in the dirty broth of the Rhine, Bavarian Environment Minister Alfred Dick spooned up whey that should have been thrown away as contaminated after the Chernobyl disaster. Well, they both survived for the time being.
Trampoline gymnastics – Olympic sport since the 2000 Games in Sydney. The German Foreign Minister once had herself catapulted into the air via competitive sport. Will fervent football fan (DFB men’s team) Annalena Baerbock be flown to the plane to Paris after night-time meetings of the flight readiness department? We will take a look and calculate what it will cost.
Impartial – Guardian of the matches. Apart from athletes and officials, matches without referees are unthinkable. Your numbers determine the medals in many sports, and your points in boxing determine victory or defeat. The assessments are not always undisputed. What would the Olympic Games be without a scandal in the boxing ring? Sometimes the victory went to a Russian, sometimes a Briton was favored in front of his home crowd. Biased referees – that is also the Olympic Games.
VAR – Video referee in football. They also exist in the Olympics. No further comment.
Welterweight – a competitive class, such as wrestling, for men and middleweight athletes. Freestyle wrestlers under 73 kilos are welterweights. In Greco-Roman style The welterweight goes up to 77 kilos. Freestyle women are not allowed to be heavier than 57 kilos at welterweight. There are no women who wrestle in Greco-Roman style. Why not? But that is another question.
Xi Jinping – Friend of Olympic sports and President of the People’s Republic of China. He showed the world how a dictator could host the Olympics in the middle of a pandemic. The IOC liked it. Probably no one else.
Yuko – smallest rating in judo. Nothing is gained with that. For this you need Ippon or two Waza-Ari. Very simple actually.
Zatopek, Emil – Czech track and field legend. The long-distance runner has won four Olympic gold medals, two in the 10,000 meters and one in the 5,000 meters and the marathon. He is honored here because his last name begins with the letter Z. Otherwise, it might say something about Alexander Zverev. But enough is known about the Olympic tennis champion in Tokyo by now. Or maybe not?